How do you know you are in a toxic relationship?

Toxic relationships can be complex and confusing.

Sometimes, it feels like your relationship is the best it’s ever been; however, that euphoria is fleeting and replaced by aggressive verbal slayings, physical assaults, or extreme controls. This is considered the cycle of abuse—periods of tension, followed by an incident, a “honeymoon” period, and then calm.

The word abuse can sound and feel extreme. It’s a harsh word to face and acknowledge. We want to deny that abuse is what is happening to us. We want to categorize it differently.

  • We want to say that our partner is going through a stressful period in their life, and they are taking it out on us.

  • We convince ourselves that this, too, shall pass.

  • We may want to justify it as they have anger management issues.

  • We may try to correct our behaviors as we think we are to blame for their explosions.

  • We deminimize what is being done to use - “it could always be worse.”

  • We may try to reframe the situation in our minds as to downplay the actual incident.

It’s essential to recognize that abuse comes in many different forms. It can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional/psychological or financial. Any form of abuse is toxic, destructive, and executed with the sole purpose of gaining control and power.

Not all toxic relationships are created equal. Each one is unique. There isn’t one universal feeling you should experience or one distinct way to act or feel. Not all abusers behave the same. Whatever you are feeling or experiencing is authentic to you. It is your truth. It is not wrong or your fault.

Does this sound like you?

  • I’m experiencing or have experienced:

    • Sacred vulnerabilities cruelly exploited

    • Told that you either did or didn’t say, hear or observe something

    • Pressured through guilt and shame

    • Exit or escape blocked

    • Physically assaulted (hit, kicked, punched, etc.)

    • Withholding sex as a means for control through punishment or reward

    • Isolated from friends and family

    • Called disparaging names

    • Criticized privately or in front of others

    • Degraded in front of your children

    • Physical appearance criticized and/or compared to others

    • Refused access to financial resources

    • Money withheld as punishment

    • Admonished for exerting independence

    • Threatened to have your children taken from you

    • Yelling or screaming

  • I feel or have felt: 

    • Embarrassed and ashamed

    • Alone/isolated

    • Mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted

    • Guilty

    • Overwhelmed

    • Confused/questioned your sense of reality

    • Uncertain

    • Not good enough

    • Criticized

    • Undermined

    • Anxious

    • Helpless

    • Sad

    • Confusion of authentic identity



If you have experienced or felt any of these things or other behaviors that make you feel “less than,” you have experienced the abuse of a toxic relationship. If you want to change your direction and pivot into a life free of toxicity, I can help! There is a path to reclaiming your power. There is a way out and beyond the toxic person in your life.